The Decline of Civility In America
This essay previously published 10/31/2004, by me elsewhere on the internet.
One of my pet peeves and one that I have written about before is civility or the lack thereof in American society today. We live in a nation of narcissists who are rude, arrogant, and self centered and who care only for themselves.
When I was a boy growing up in the 60s and 70s, we were raised on a healthy regimen of manners. Being polite was a way of life. It was expected of us. We were taught to hold doors open for people. We were taught to use table manners when we dined with other people or in public. We addressed older people as Ma’am, or Sir. If we knew their proper name it was Mr. or Mrs., in conjunction with their proper name. We knew to ask “May I” when needing to use the bathroom, or wanting to leave the dinner table. We were to be seen and not heard while in public. Most other folks acted the same way, which made being out in public fun and enjoyable.
Over 30 years later, I am addressed by my first name in almost always every case. Rarely am I addressed as ‘Sir, or Mister Williams.’ What gives people the right to address me with such familiarity? Nowadays I even find myself addressed as ‘Dude’. Sometimes it’s ‘Uh, Hey you.’ Or, ‘What was your name again?”. Why do we as a nation act so rudely towards one another?
Today I went out to run some errands. In the hour I was out and about, I was cut off by other cars twice while in transit to the store. Later, as I was backing out of the parking spot I was using in front of Starbucks, another car came flying through the parking lot and leaned on his horn in order to stop me from backing up, so that he could get by unimpeded. I was half way out of the parking spot before he even arrived on the scene, and he blows his horn at me! The nerve of some people!
In California, the law states that at a 4-way stop sign, the car that arrives and stops first has the right of way through the stop sign, unless four cars arrive at each stop sign simultaneously. Then, the car on your right has the right of way. The running joke in our neck of the woods is he who has the most expensive car has the right of way. It’s amazing how someone will screech to a stop on a dime, just so they can be the first to proceed through the stop sign. They do this even as another person is already proceeding through the intersection, cutting that person off. People are too much in a rush, and they simply no longer extend any courtesy to anyone, anymore.
I am a season ticket holder to all the Oakland Raider games. I no longer attend the games. I sell the tickets every year now. Why? Because, I am tired of the thug mentality at public sporting events. It used to be that everyone got along at the games. It was an afternoon of fun. Now, I can’t help but to have someone vomit within 10 feet of me. I am usually within 20 feet of a fist fight. And, what really T’s me off to no end is that when I get up to use the restroom, or to get a drink, some drunken fool who cannot afford the seats that I can afford, will inevitably take over my seat while I am gone so he can pass out. If I call security, I create an incident, with the offender calling me a racist, or worse. It’s sickening.
My wife believes that shopping is a spectator sport that I should embrace and be enthusiastic about. I used to enjoy going shopping. Not anymore. It doesn’t matter how far I park my truck from any mall entrance. I can always count on coming back to find a ding in my truck from some other slob’s car door. Or, I can find a metal shopping cart resting against the side of my truck. Once in a while, someone will key my truck, just because it’s well maintained and nice.
Once in the mall, or any store for that matter, I am forced to endure the hordes of mall rats, acting like bullies and punks. I had no idea that a 13 year old young lady can belch as loud as the one I saw last time I went shopping. These are people’s kids and they act like uncouth animals. It’s disgusting to know these are our future leaders and captains of industry.
I find the clerks in the shops less than enthusiastic and helpful when performing their jobs. Last time I went to Cold Stone Creamery, the teenager behind the counter appeared to be just discovering his sexuality. He was very overt in his swishing and flaming in an effort to show all the patrons that he was gay and proud of it. Please, just give me my Ice Cream; I don’t care about your gayness. GIVE ME MY ICE CREAM! Am I guilty of a hate crime because I just want my Ice Cream –That I don’t want to see a gay kid flaunting his sexuality so overtly? Give me a break!
My wife is always complaining that I never want to go out and do anything. My reasons are simple. I don’t enjoy being out in the world. I remember when everyone was mannerly and pleasant. I see how lousy people have become. I want to stay home and avoid the crowds on the weekends. My home is my Shangri La! I simply do not like to go out to mix with the masses. I am afraid it will only get worse. It scares me to see what society has become.
Whose fault is it? It's mine and the rest of us who see the problem with incivility in society today. You see, we put up with it. We allow it. We fail to teach our kids through good example. In order to correct the problem, we need to correct our kids, teach them right, and above all correct those who would be rude and ill-mannered and not allow them to be disrespectful to us.
Just do it in a respectful way.
When I was a boy growing up in the 60s and 70s, we were raised on a healthy regimen of manners. Being polite was a way of life. It was expected of us. We were taught to hold doors open for people. We were taught to use table manners when we dined with other people or in public. We addressed older people as Ma’am, or Sir. If we knew their proper name it was Mr. or Mrs., in conjunction with their proper name. We knew to ask “May I” when needing to use the bathroom, or wanting to leave the dinner table. We were to be seen and not heard while in public. Most other folks acted the same way, which made being out in public fun and enjoyable.
Over 30 years later, I am addressed by my first name in almost always every case. Rarely am I addressed as ‘Sir, or Mister Williams.’ What gives people the right to address me with such familiarity? Nowadays I even find myself addressed as ‘Dude’. Sometimes it’s ‘Uh, Hey you.’ Or, ‘What was your name again?”. Why do we as a nation act so rudely towards one another?
Today I went out to run some errands. In the hour I was out and about, I was cut off by other cars twice while in transit to the store. Later, as I was backing out of the parking spot I was using in front of Starbucks, another car came flying through the parking lot and leaned on his horn in order to stop me from backing up, so that he could get by unimpeded. I was half way out of the parking spot before he even arrived on the scene, and he blows his horn at me! The nerve of some people!
In California, the law states that at a 4-way stop sign, the car that arrives and stops first has the right of way through the stop sign, unless four cars arrive at each stop sign simultaneously. Then, the car on your right has the right of way. The running joke in our neck of the woods is he who has the most expensive car has the right of way. It’s amazing how someone will screech to a stop on a dime, just so they can be the first to proceed through the stop sign. They do this even as another person is already proceeding through the intersection, cutting that person off. People are too much in a rush, and they simply no longer extend any courtesy to anyone, anymore.
I am a season ticket holder to all the Oakland Raider games. I no longer attend the games. I sell the tickets every year now. Why? Because, I am tired of the thug mentality at public sporting events. It used to be that everyone got along at the games. It was an afternoon of fun. Now, I can’t help but to have someone vomit within 10 feet of me. I am usually within 20 feet of a fist fight. And, what really T’s me off to no end is that when I get up to use the restroom, or to get a drink, some drunken fool who cannot afford the seats that I can afford, will inevitably take over my seat while I am gone so he can pass out. If I call security, I create an incident, with the offender calling me a racist, or worse. It’s sickening.
My wife believes that shopping is a spectator sport that I should embrace and be enthusiastic about. I used to enjoy going shopping. Not anymore. It doesn’t matter how far I park my truck from any mall entrance. I can always count on coming back to find a ding in my truck from some other slob’s car door. Or, I can find a metal shopping cart resting against the side of my truck. Once in a while, someone will key my truck, just because it’s well maintained and nice.
Once in the mall, or any store for that matter, I am forced to endure the hordes of mall rats, acting like bullies and punks. I had no idea that a 13 year old young lady can belch as loud as the one I saw last time I went shopping. These are people’s kids and they act like uncouth animals. It’s disgusting to know these are our future leaders and captains of industry.
I find the clerks in the shops less than enthusiastic and helpful when performing their jobs. Last time I went to Cold Stone Creamery, the teenager behind the counter appeared to be just discovering his sexuality. He was very overt in his swishing and flaming in an effort to show all the patrons that he was gay and proud of it. Please, just give me my Ice Cream; I don’t care about your gayness. GIVE ME MY ICE CREAM! Am I guilty of a hate crime because I just want my Ice Cream –That I don’t want to see a gay kid flaunting his sexuality so overtly? Give me a break!
My wife is always complaining that I never want to go out and do anything. My reasons are simple. I don’t enjoy being out in the world. I remember when everyone was mannerly and pleasant. I see how lousy people have become. I want to stay home and avoid the crowds on the weekends. My home is my Shangri La! I simply do not like to go out to mix with the masses. I am afraid it will only get worse. It scares me to see what society has become.
Whose fault is it? It's mine and the rest of us who see the problem with incivility in society today. You see, we put up with it. We allow it. We fail to teach our kids through good example. In order to correct the problem, we need to correct our kids, teach them right, and above all correct those who would be rude and ill-mannered and not allow them to be disrespectful to us.
Just do it in a respectful way.
Copyright 10/31/2004 by Randy Williams
Use granted to all who identify author
Use granted to all who identify author
posted by Spot at
8:02 PM
1 Comments:
I loved your posting and it's interesting how I stumbled upon it.
I couldn't agree with you more, but Civility in America is trending downward.
Have you also noticed that when you express gratitude to someone, by simply saying "Thank You" the typical reply is now "No Problem" instead of the conventional "You're Welcome" I have frequently queried people and some pundits on why "Your Welcome" is an expression of the past. One pundit indicated that it may be related to the escalating bilingualism in America, as No Problem is the Spanish response to Thank You spoken in Spanish of course.
Could it be that we Baby Boomers are getting a taste of what we dished out in the 60's and the 70's? Do you remember "Far Out", Cool, "No Hassle" and "Out of Sight" yes our generation had its expressions but these expressions were indeed more civil than what we are experiencing today.
I think the visionary M. Scott Peck is turning in his grave, because one of his great works "A World Waiting to Be Born" will not be realized in our lifetime.
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