The Death Of Common Sense

An Obituary printed in the London Times

We are mourning the loss of a beloved old friend who recently passed away.

His name was Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States from a vicious contagious disease.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes and factories, helping folks get the jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, frivolous lawsuits, and ludicrous verdicts held no power over Common Sense.

He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in from the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by a simple and sound financial policy. Don't spend more than you earn. Common Sense also lived by other time-tested strategies like: The adults are in charge and not the kids, and it's okay to come in second or third.

A veteran of the Great Depression and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends such as body piercing, 'whole language' and 'new math'.

But his health declined when he became infected with the I'm not responsible for my own actions and It's alright if it feels good viruses. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

It declined further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents and get their permission when their children were given mind-altering drugs or birth control pills; and when universities turned into cesspools of debauchery and socialist propaganda.

Common Sense lost his will to live when criminals received better treatment than their victims, the Ten Commandments became contraband, and priests molested young boys. When a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee is hot, and was awarded a huge settlement; and when the president sold security related technology to a hostile nation, Common Sense fell into a coma.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of consciousness, but was kept informed of new questionable regulations, such as thought control and partial birth abortion. Finally, when another president, claiming to staunchly protect the country from terrorist atrocities, yet allowing the same villains to invade the country through borders that are strangely very penetrable; being fully aware of what the grave consequences of such deliberate and ominous neglect can be, Common Sense died of sudden cardiac arrest.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Love; his daughter, Responsibility; and his sons, Diligence and Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers, Deception, Greed and Ignorance. Not many attended his funeral, because so few noticed he was gone.