Al Gore Loses Mind During Public Address
This essay was previously published 01/15/2004, elsewhere on the internet.
(AP) New York 1-15-2004
Today while Al Gore was delivering an address to a crowd in New York a chilled gust of wind blew the text of his address off the podium.
Witnesses say that for a brief moment Mr. Gore appeared to have a glazed look in his eyes, which was described by several onlookers as that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.
Mr. Gore recovered from the loss of his notes moments later by drawing on his own unprepared thoughts to finish his address. Departing from his original address due to the loss of his notes, Mr. Gore began stammering and stuttering words and phrases such as, “Disenfranchised”, “dimpled chads”, “I am President”, “Don't bogart that joint”, and “Tipper, loan me a few anti-depressants."
As photographers busily clicked away with their cameras to capture the moment. A dramatic photo was taken, capturing the last remaining circuit in Al Gore's overtaxed brain exploding into an aneurism.
Witnesses say that a small mushroom cloud erupted from the top of Al Gore's head. Scientists say that enough fluff and inert matter from inside Al Gore's cranium was thrown up into the atmosphere to block out the sun resulting in a nuclear winter and global cooling.
Mr. Gore was rushed to a local hospital where his is recuperating and is described as being in excellent condition.
Doctors performed emergency surgery and painstakingly restuffed Al Gore's deflated cranium with the contents of two ashtrays, a decorative pillow taken from an easy chair in the doctors lounge and the contents of three soiled pampers taken from the infants nursery.
When asked about Mr. Gore's prospects of a recovery, Dr. Rapenstein stated, “Mr. Gore should be up and around in several hours spreading half-truths, bad science about global warming, and his normal banal rhetoric just as he has always done in the past.”
Mrs. Gore could not be reached for comment due to her being bombed out of her skull on marijuana, anti-depressants and the now banned nutritional supplement, Ephedra.
Today while Al Gore was delivering an address to a crowd in New York a chilled gust of wind blew the text of his address off the podium.
Witnesses say that for a brief moment Mr. Gore appeared to have a glazed look in his eyes, which was described by several onlookers as that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.
Mr. Gore recovered from the loss of his notes moments later by drawing on his own unprepared thoughts to finish his address. Departing from his original address due to the loss of his notes, Mr. Gore began stammering and stuttering words and phrases such as, “Disenfranchised”, “dimpled chads”, “I am President”, “Don't bogart that joint”, and “Tipper, loan me a few anti-depressants."
As photographers busily clicked away with their cameras to capture the moment. A dramatic photo was taken, capturing the last remaining circuit in Al Gore's overtaxed brain exploding into an aneurism.
Witnesses say that a small mushroom cloud erupted from the top of Al Gore's head. Scientists say that enough fluff and inert matter from inside Al Gore's cranium was thrown up into the atmosphere to block out the sun resulting in a nuclear winter and global cooling.
Mr. Gore was rushed to a local hospital where his is recuperating and is described as being in excellent condition.
Doctors performed emergency surgery and painstakingly restuffed Al Gore's deflated cranium with the contents of two ashtrays, a decorative pillow taken from an easy chair in the doctors lounge and the contents of three soiled pampers taken from the infants nursery.
When asked about Mr. Gore's prospects of a recovery, Dr. Rapenstein stated, “Mr. Gore should be up and around in several hours spreading half-truths, bad science about global warming, and his normal banal rhetoric just as he has always done in the past.”
Mrs. Gore could not be reached for comment due to her being bombed out of her skull on marijuana, anti-depressants and the now banned nutritional supplement, Ephedra.
NOTE: This is a parody article. It's not real. Get over it. Gore lost!
Copyright 01/15/2004-07/22/2005 by Randy Williams. Use granted to all who identify author
Copyright 01/15/2004-07/22/2005 by Randy Williams. Use granted to all who identify author
posted by Spot at
11:51 PM
1 Comments:
Bwahahahaa! This essay was very informative. After Al Gore's claim to have invented the internet, I came to the conclusion he didn't have a brain. Guess I was wrong.
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