Conservatives v. Liberals

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

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If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

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If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.

A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

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If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

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If a Black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.

Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

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If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

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If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.

Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

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If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

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If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

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If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.

If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he’s in labor and then sues.

-Anonymous