BROKEN FENCE AT THE WHITEHOUSE

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee, and the third is fromMinnesota . All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall

Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

Waiting For Stimulus In L.A.

Shanequa say she voted for Obama five times, and she gonna' stand on dat telephone wit her pants off till her man Obama give her stimulus check and start making her mortgage payments like he say he would!

Confessions of a Rogue Digger- Revisited

This essay is being reprinted with permission from its author. It is being reprinted due to the fact that when it was originally posted on digg by USArugula (Known affectionately as 'Salad Head'), it was done so by a leftist digg troll who misrepresented the essay by altering its title. The essay is being reprinted here and resubmitted to digg in its proper and original form. The original essay can be found at its home blog, the Liberal Heretic. The address follows. http://theliberalheretic.com/blog/?p=96

___________

**All accounts have been relayed by one anonymous digger who has tricked the system, and should not be taken as a representation for the aggregate of conservative diggers.**

With the latest talks of the Fairness Doctrine circulating in the media and the blosphere, it is no wonder why many outspoken conservatives are bracing themselves for an all out freedom of speech war. Back in 2006, digg.com was just another fledgling news sharing/bookmarking site. Personally I can’t say exactly what the site was like back in 06’, but I can provide the testimony of a man who has been using it since its inception. For this story he will be referred to as 007.

Like many eager Internet commentators, 007 found that commenting on various news sites was quite gratifying. The ability to express ones ideas in an open forum, especially when said ideas deviate from the norm, could be somewhat cathartic. 007 began commenting and using digg.com in mid 2006. He says that the site had an overwhelming liberal slant, but he enjoyed commenting in the unwelcome environment because there just weren’t any dissenting opinions, it was an echo-chamber. Now having a knack for political incorrectness, 007 found himself leaving comments that obviously angered the natives.. In his own words,

“I am quite sure that I was the first “in your face” conservative that they had encountered. The first time I got banned I was really surprised because all I did was make a joke about an exploding Palestinian kid. I remember on more than one occasion, getting 500+ profile views in one day (and my account would always be gone the next day), so you know that there are groups on Digg who “police” the comments and they have the ability to go in and bury people very quickly.”

So it was obvious to 007 that digg.com was definitely not a freedom of speech arena, it was a business, run and operated with people who had a certain agenda. Political correctness, when it fit their ideology, and censorship when it did not. 007 decided to keep on keeping on, and began to sign up repeatedly.

“Even though they did ban accounts back then, it wasn’t like it is today. Back then I could keep an account for a week or two….these days it’s one or two accounts per day. I’ve probably been through 400-500 Digg IDs.
If you read the TOS you’ll see that it’s entirely subjective. If they don’t want you on Digg they can just say that some people found you offensive”….which can mean anything. Since I usually try to be as offensive as possible, it doesn’t bother me that I get banned. There is and there always has been a huge double-standard on digg.”

007’s reasons for the in your face crusade:

• I want people to read my posts
• I want people who are just following the crowd, and not listening to their inner voice, to get our of their comfort zone

I want to force liberals to really think about what they believe

(Taking a cue from Coulter, intentionally adding stoke to the fire to incite critical thinking, not a bad idea)

**note- please reference the previous Heretic ‘Digg Unzipped’ story for the double-standards of what is deemed offensive on digg; it should also be noted that digg users have been reported for jokes about shooting Sarah Palin in the face, and nothing was done to their user status**

So there you have it, someone who has been on the site since its inception, been the victim of the subjective TOS, and fought back. His comments were straightforward, hysterical, on-point as far as conservative snarky discourse goes, and above ALL else they were politically incorrect. Political correctness, that nagging angel sitting atop ones shoulder, saying ‘Well now if you say that you might offend someone, you might offend the Siberian huskie mix Americans, or the people against the defamation of butterflies and unicorns’ (you catch my drift, it is all encompassing, and it squelches our ideas about issues, and our ability to get past some of the most difficult issues (ie:racism)). If people could just say what they wanted to say, not what other people think they should say, nor what the institution of liberalism thinks they should say, then maybe just maybe, people wouldn’t be so friggen meat-headed when it came to formulating their OWN ideas.

So my and 007’s ideas may not be popular on some news sites, they may not be popular in Applebee’s for f’s sake, but damn it they’re ours, and this country NEEDS dissenting opinions. Here’s the crux of the freedom of speech argument, there is no free press in this country, there are just businesses owned and operated by corporations. Digg.com, blogspot, the list goes on. These sites are funded by people with a clear agenda- stop the spread of politically incorrect speech at all costs, pander to the left and its anti-American agenda, and bring about speech that conforms to the new liberal oligarchy. People are getting kicked off of blogspot for the same reasons they are getting kicked off of digg, systematic interjection of the thought police. So this is what I want to say to all the freedom loving, politically incorrect, George Carlin-esque, Cheech and Chong fans out there-

‘We will not go gentle in that good night, we will rage against the dying of the light.’ If the powers that be, big fat bureaucrats in Washington, George Soros, the corporations like GE with a clear agenda, are going to push dissenting opinions out of their owned and operated outlets, well then we’re just going to have to fight back. So to digg.com, blogspot, any other outlet or liberal think tank that thinks freedom of speech applies only to those who kneel at the shrine of Obama- I don’t give a damn about your agenda or your feelings, this is the United States of America- Land of the Free, Home of the Brave. Men have died in order to protect my country’s freedoms, and I’ll be damned if anyone tries to turn this country into a muddied down version of Sweden. I will be damned. So fight my fellow Americans, fight to be heard.

Nationalized Health Care As Found Buried In The 'Stimulus' Package

The following three scenarios represent how a national health care plan may be administered by federal bureaucrats.

Scenario #1)

Dr.: Mrs. Johnson, you have breast cancer. It's spread to the lymph nodes. Because you are at an advanced age of 80 years old, just four months past the maximum life expectancy in the United States, Federal guidelines state that the cost of treatment outweighs the benefits of treatment.

Mrs. Johnson: But doctor, breast cancer along with the affected lymph nodes is very treatable and has a high survival rate. There's nothing that can be done?

Dr.: You can appeal, Mrs. Johnson. However, a decision may take months and we cannot treat you pending a decision.

Mrs. Johnson: Let's not wait on the government. I can pay out of pocket for my own treatment.

Dr.: Mrs. Johnson, federal law prohibits that we provide you treatment, even if you can afford to pay out of pocket. It wouldn't be fair to those who cannot afford to pay for their own health care. I'd advise you to go home to put your affairs in order. Spend quality time with you kids, grandkids and great grandkids. If you are in pain, we can give you the medications to make you more comfortable. Of course, if you elect to do so, euthanasia is available as a free service.

____

Scenario #2)

Dr.: Mr. Holmes, I'm affraid your HIV and associated health issues requires expensive drug therapy. In light of your age of 74, federal guidlines prohibit treatment as being too expensive. Even if you could pay out of pocket, the law does not allow for treatment at this time.

Mr. Holmes: This is an outrage! As a gay man, I will sue you for discrimination!

Dr.: You're gay? That's different! There are a whole myriad of treatment options for minorities. We can add years to your life!

____

Scenario #3)

Senator, you have brain cancer. Because you and your collegues have opted out of national health care guidlines, your cancer is operable and you will live a long life to collect your generous pension. Sir, would you mind signing this release form so that we can access your medical records? Your records are not in the national database, they're still private. Treatment for your condition will begin next week. Have your limo drop you off at the east wing entrance next Tuesday, so that we can admit you to your private suite. Sir, when you receive your menu choices, may I suggest the prime rib? It is excellent these days. Speedy recovery sir!

Copyright 02/11/09 by RJWUSA. Use granted to all who identify author